HOW
TO KNOW YOU'RE FROM MUMBAI
- You
say 'Town' and expect everyone to know that it means 'South' of
Churchgate
- You're
suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you
- You
have never been to the Gateway of India
- You
don't hear sirens anymore
- Hookers,
beggars and the homeless are invisible
- The
trains make sense
- Your
door has more than three locks
- The
most frequently used part of your car is the horn
- You
consider eye contact an act of overt aggression
- You
call an 8' x 10' clustered room a 'Hall'
- You
consider beyond Andheri as 'Upstate'
- You
think of Chowpatty and Juhu beaches as 'nature'
- You're
paying Rs.10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of a walk-in closet and
you think it's a 'steal'
- You've
been to New Bombay twice and got hopelessly lost, both times
- You
spend more time travelling than you spend at home
- You
haven't heard the sound of true, absolute silence since 1977,and
when you did, it terrified you
- You
take fashion seriously
- Being
truly alone makes you nervous
- You
have 14 different menus of 'Free Home Deliveries' next to your
telephone
- Going
to 'town', is considered a 'road trip'
- You
take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise
- Your
idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes
- Rs.
500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag
- You
have a minimum of five 'worst cab rides ever' stories
- You've
mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what
it's doing to your lungs
- If you
look up, somebody is throwing waste on you
- Even
in the morgue you have to form a line, first come first served basis
- You
speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only
Mumbaikars can understand
- Train
timings are really important events of life
- You
have the following sets of friends: school friends, college friends,
neighborhood friends, office friends and train friends, a
species unique to Mumbai
- Cabbies
and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by
their Indian name they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar
Road, Altamount Road and the like
- Stock
market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you
follow passionately
- The
first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay
Times" supplement
- Your
idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes
- You
love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons
- Only
in Mumbai, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken
- You
call traffic policemen as 'Pandus" and expect of out of towners
to understand that
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