joke
|
|
joke |
|
|
|
| INDIAN
ENGLISH
Indians took to the English language as readily as the British drained India's riches. The tongue twisting pronunciations of various native languages mingled with English creating new phonetic possibilities, while the natural lawlessness of Indians opened new frontiers in syntax. As English spread, even those Indians, with only a distant familiarity to the language, started using it with ease and innovation. It is said that the future homeland of English is India. Fasten your seat belts: PROFESSIONAL HAZARDS A young executive broke wind loudly while making an important presentation. Overcome with embarrassment he stuttered: “Sorry, it was a slip of the tongue" A New Delhi pediatrician advertises himself as a “Specialist for the decease of children”. He religiously prescribes “one tablet a day till passing away” to his patients.An enthusiastic officer from the department of agriculture was escorting a visiting foreign dignitary on a tour of the countryside. The young man went on endlessly about plans, projects, hydroelectric power, afforestation, compost pits, etc. The bored visitor to show some interest pointed to a clump of eucalyptus trees and asked, “Are they indigenous?” “Oh yes, Sir, they are very indigenous,” replied the agriculture expert. “We got them from Australia”. A private secretary of a Governor accompanied him to a party but refused to help himself to some food. “Not yet,” he said, "I’ll eat only after the Governor has passed away”. After the Governor passed away he did eat but refused desert. “No, thank you! I am quite fed up”, he told his hosts. A telephone operator checking line after a complaint; “Is
that too, jeero, too, phor, phipe, eight?” A semi-literate but rich business man intending to make a bequest to a co-educational institution. But he was successfully dissuaded from doing so by one who wanted the money for his own boys school. “Do you know that in the co-ed school boys and girls share the same curriculum?” he asked the donor. "Moreover they matriculate together." To drive the point home, he added: "And worse than that they spend most of their time in Seminars." The conservative good soul never made the bequest. GRACEFUL SOCIAL OCCASIONS A young Punjabi couple threw a house-warming party. They had spent a lot of money on the drive-in flanked by beds of roses. There was apparently an even larger spread of lawns and flower beds in the rear of the house. A guest complimented the hostess on the house: “What a beautiful frontage you have, Mrs. Singh!” “Oh, thank you, thank you," she gushed, "but you have not seen my backside yet. It’s much prettier than my front”. Encouraged the guest further complimented her ultra thin sari. "And what a beautiful sari you are wearing” he said. “Oh this is very maamooli (common place); I just wear it for street walking.” ETHNIC WATERMARKS Kannadigas pronounce 'M' as 'Yum'. So, how would they spell Mississippi. A friend volunteered: "First comes yumm. Then I come. Then my sissi. The I peepee. Then I come again." The Bengalis pronounce 'A' as 'O'. A Sardarji, newly arrived in Calcutta, was invited by his Bengali neighbor to what he thought was to be a bhojan (meal). He ate nothing all day, so he could do justice to rice, fish curry and rosogollas. He arrived at the appointed time and was regaled with a feast of hymn signing – bhajan! Punjabis say laiyyer for leisure, playyer for pleasure and maiyyur for measure. There was this Punjabi minister who on the eve of his good will mission to Birmingham, was advised by his Tamilian secretary: “Sarr, be careful with your pronunciation of English words. “Don’t say diviyun, it is division, not Tallyviyyun, it is television, not maiyyr it is measure”. And so on. The
minister made careful note of these tricky words. On arrival at
Birmingham airport he was welcomed by the Lord Mayor of the city. The
Punjabi minister, extending his hand, said, “How nice to meet you,
Lord Measure!” An Indian who made a vast fortune abroad was anxious to return home quietly lest his grasping relatives stake their claims to his wealth. A press
reporter asked him as he was about to embark on his homeward flight;
"Sir, are you going back incognito?" Ramprasad Laxmanprasad emigrating to Europe by ship happened to share the table with a Frenchman. As they met for the repast the French man bowed and wished him bon appetit. Ramprasad Laxmanprasad, believing the other man was introducing himself responded, “Ramprasad Laxmanprasad”. So it went on at every meal till a friend told Ramprasad Laxmanprasad what bon appetit meant. The next
time he encountered the Frenchman, Ramprasad Laxmanprasad bowed and said
bon appetit. The Frenchman responded,”Ramprasad Laxmanprasad”. And lets not forget these common ones:
|
|
|
bikanerguide |
|
|
Copyright © 2005 bikaner guide.com 9414452091 |
|